My husband (aka Sir) participated in the Tough Mudder on Saturday. After viewing the course on Friday afternoon, he phoned me to say goodbye. Yes, that kind of goodbye. The dead kind. He told me he wanted a mahogany casket with brass handles but when I asked him what color lining he required, he replied that it wasn’t going to be an open casket funeral. Why? “Because you hate my haircut.” He has a point. But I digress, as ever.
What does the above have to do with The Trip, you may ask? Well, admittedly not a lot. However, the flights are paid for, as are the two one week stays in resorts in Fiji, and some other stuff. I was told by Sir that I should go with someone else were he to meet his demise as he was convinced he would. (He did not.) I did not believe he would perish prematurely, but I did give it a tiny bit of thought. Who could I stand for 6 weeks if I’m thinking even Sir might require me to seek some alone time? By the same token, who could stand ME for 6 weeks?
I have decided it might be good to figure out ahead of time some way to get away while not hurting any feelings. Some of the classics are taking a magazine or book into the bathroom, take an extra long time getting dressed, shower for unnatural periods of time, go to the store for trivial items, play ill. I’m thinking something more sophisticated is in order. Having film cameras is handy in this instance. I may need to go take some night shots. They mean a lot of standing around while the image is being recorded. Super dull with a high rate of failure. I might want to partake of some night life while Sir does not.
So, on a walk I can stash some money while tying my shoe. Later I will say that I am going to shoot a tree in the moonlight. I find the cash stash and dash to the bar. Oh wait. Alcohol breath. I stash some cash and mints. Same scenario. Oh wait. Cigarette smell. I stash cash, mints, and clothes. Oh wait. He’s not observant but even he will notice a different outfit. Pack only replicas. Oh wait. That’ll require a large shopping trip and 15 shirts all the same will look suspicious, even if I call it pragmatic. Bag that plan.
Let’s see. I could put the money in the camera bag along with some mints. I could carelessly leave some clothing–my nightie?–outside the hut. I come home, using my tripod as a crutch if needed. I am careful to change outside. No wait. Stinky clothes will be outside when Sir gets up earlier than me, as he always does. How about I just get in the shower fully clothed when I get back. Clean hair, person, clothes. No wait. What could possibly explain that? I’ve finally gone gaga taking pictures? Bag that plan.
Sir, I am just going to tell you when I have to take a little walk, ok?